Getting to the dinner table: motivation in the moment

Tonight, I was playing in the basement with the monkeys before dinner. Urban Super Dad called down to let us know that dinner was ready. “OK, Monkeys,” I said, “time to go upstairs for dinner.” It was 6:30 and I was hungry. “We’re playing,” was the response, accompanied by a complete lack of movement towards the stairs. “OK,” I tried again, “Who wants to go upstairs to check the mail?” This, of course was a big hit. Within seconds we were all upstairs, had quickly checked the mail, and were washing up for dinner.

The trick is one employed by parents everywhere, I’m sure. Don’t worry so much about what you’ll do once you get there, just get everyone going in the right direction, and it’ll all work out. By shifting my focus from something that they weren’t excited about – dinner – to something that they were – the mail – I was quickly able to get the monkeys where I wanted them – at the dinner table.

It’s a tactic that smart managers use, too. My boss does it to me. He’ll tell me over and over again that he wants me meeting with a certain kind of person. I show a complete lack of interest. Then he points me to a couple of specific interesting people at specific organizations, and there I am, meeting with a certain kind of person.

Peter, our communications lead, just successfully did the same thing. He’s been trying to get folks at the company to write articles and submit papers to conferences for over a year, and has had limited successes with one or two people. Recently, he tried another tack. He told them all about a great conference in Paris, and told them that our company would pay for attendance for whomever gets accepted. Within weeks, eight people submitted abstracts, three of which were accepted. It really moved the needle.

This tactic works because it involves figuring out what’s going to motivate people to act quickly and get them in the direction that they need to go in. It’s requires thinking of both the short term and the long term benefits of the actions that you’re trying to get people to take. It requires you to articulate not just why an activity is good for your company or your family, but also why it’s good for each individual involved.

Even better, it helps you avoid the hassle of convincing people that they need to do something that you want them to do. I could have spent 15 minutes trying to convince my kids to go upstairs for dinner. We might have finally gotten to the table, but by the time we got there, we all would have been worn out and dinner would have been cold. Instead, we had a nice family dinner. Oh, and we got the mail.