At a campaign stop in New Hampshire, Hillary broke down and was near tears as she described what is at stake for both her and for the country in this election. Hillary’s every move is, of course, being watched right now, as she appears to be about to lose the New Hampshire primary by an even greater margin as the Iowa primary. This is one of the first times she’s allowed herself to show her human side.
I am, of course, a big believer in not segmenting parts of your life, and I believe that it is especially critical not to segment parts of your life if you want to be an inspiring, authentic leader. A great leader doesn’t distance herself from her emotions, she uses them to make herself stronger, more empathic, and more powerful. It’s been dissapointing to me that Hillary has thus far tried to distance herself from emotions to be the ‘rational’ and ’strong’ voice that she seems to think voters are looking for. I’m curious to see if this openness about what she really cares about, this window into who she is as a person, makes a difference on the voters in New Hampshire. And whether or not it lasts.
Of course, it could just be one more calculating move to win attention and votes, but even if it is calculated, I’ll be looking to see whether bringing more of herself and her emotion into her campaign makes a difference for Hillary. To read more about her speech and or watch the video, go to: http://www.newsweek.com/id/85609
I really hope that Hillary doesn’t apologize in any way for this emotional peek into her human-ness. She won NH since your post, so we’ll see if the attention on the emotions goes on or not…
I believe that emotions are the glue that hold people’s beliefs, convictions, opinions, positions, interests and effectiveness together- so why are people so afraid to admit they’re there?
Maybe it’s more about controlling them. In working with and coaching people, I often find that people get close to intense emotions that they didn’t plan on feeling or surfacing at that moment, and start apologizing immediately. I’m always curious and a little sad in these moments, as it reminds me of how detached we sometimes (okay- many times) are from our emotions. When a leader is moved to his/her passion about their work, a teammate shares from their core, a friend is touched by a birthday card message, or a colleague admits vulnerability- sometimes the physical emotions kick in (as maybe it did with Hillary today?), and there it is! There’s a choice in that moment- go with it, or try to swallow it.
To me, that’s a key moment for leaders, where they define themselves in many ways to the people around them. It’s a key moment for just regular people in making real contact with people with whom they coexist yet never really know or let know them. These are some of my favorite coaching moments, because great shift can happen in them. I’ve seen and felt reactions of amazing inspiration, power, redefinition and support come from those moments of those very people just going with it, and coming from that place of raw authenticity. I’ve also seen moments ripe with the possibility of making connection, moving people or breaking through something fizzle because those very people chose to swallow it, and go with something more controlled, scripted or shallow. Tragic.
Then there’s the other extreme…
Just yesterday I talked with my 5-year old about the issue of her crying and whining (really loudly) whenever things don’t go her way, and how she needs to work on that. We talked about taking deep breaths, stomping feet, using words as alternatives…
She told me, “Mommy- I don’t do it on purpose. When those things happen, my body just DOES that- it cries and tears come out and I can’t help it!” And there it is.
In her young wisdom, she reminded me of what I think people are most afraid of- losing control like that. My kids (as yours, I’m sure) make no apologies for it, and while it sometimes drives me insane (like in the middle of a restaurant, let’s say), I’m also sometimes in awe of their complete lack of restraint/analysis/control.
My husband has a theory that all grownups should spend some time going with our emotions the way kids do. The next time we go to a restaurant and the steak comes out cooked too long, we should just start bawling and whining really loudly, “but I don’t like it like thaaaat!” Imagine how liberating that might actually be! Imagine if adults did that just like kids do. Okay, okay- not acceptable, I know, but somewhere in the mix of becoming grown-ups, I think we went too far the other way, swallowing way too much.